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February 2017

The Accident: November 28, 2016

    6:15am, my alarm went off which meant it was time to get this day started. Just like every morning, I picked up my phone to go through my news feeds, but this time when I checked my phone, my heart stopped. I had 7 missed calls, and 3 voice mails. The phone calls started around 4am, and the only person that was out that early was my husband. So, naturally I started panicking, and the only thing going through my head was,“What happened? God please don’t do this!”

I immediately called my mother-in-law back, and she said the words I never wanted to hear.

Three months ago today (Feb. 28th), I almost lost my husband. He was involved in an accident that almost took his life. His truck had hit a culvert, and flipped multiple times. He was unconscious, until he made it to the hospital.

I ended the call with my mother-in-law and immediately called my mom. All I had to say was “I need you.” She got to my house by 6:45am, and as she drove all I could think was, “please let him be OK! God don’t you dare take him from me!” I got out of the Jeep, walked into the hospital, and met the nurse, who took me to my husband. As soon as I stepped into the trauma room, I had to stop and turn around to pull myself together. I didn’t want him to see my lose it. When I had it together, I walked to my husband’s side and waited to see his chest move up and down to know he was OK. He opened his eyes, looked at me, and said “stop that, don’t cry.” Then, he said something that I will never forget, and that will always make me laugh, “No more Pearl.” Pearl was his 2012 Chevy Silverado, and unfortunately she was totaled, but my husband was alive!

Pearl before Nov. 28, 2016
Pearl after Nov. 28, 2016
The only window left intact was the driver side

 

As we waited to be admitted, he was in and out of consciousness, and all I could do was hold his hand, I hated seeing him like that. While I watched him go in and out, all I could think was “please just stay with me.” I knew I couldn’t do life without my best friend. He’s the rock in our relationship. He keeps me grounded, and he keeps sane. “What was I going to do if he was gone?”

Our first night in the hospital was the longest night of my life. Every painful noise he made, hit me straight in the heart. I hated that I couldn’t take his pain away. I was afraid if I slept, he wouldn’t be there when I woke up. The next day, he was going in for his surgery to reset his right leg, and his right ring finger. He was so scared to go into surgery, because his biggest fear was being put under, and seeing him scared was the hardest thing I ever saw. Even though I knew he was in good hands, I was still freaking out for him.

Another day had passed, and boy was he ready to go home. Goodness gracious was he getting impatient, being stuck in bed all day was not his cup of tea. He was also starting to drive me nuts, but I would rather take him making me crazy, than not having him at all. I knew this was going to be a long, bumpy road ahead of us, but we had each other and we could conquer anything.

On December 2nd, we left the hospital, and that was a doozy. We ended up having to call paramedics to help get him out of the car because of the amount of pain he was in. After that days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into three months. He made progress daily, he started in a wheelchair for the first three weeks, and he hated it. Then, he moved to walking in a walking boot with a walker that had a platform to rest his broken hand, while he hopped along. From there he upgraded to crutch, then he started to walk on his own. I was so proud to call him my husband. Most people would have just given up, but not my husband he fought hard to get better. In the span of three months he made tremendous progress, and on February 23rd, he started walking on his own two feet, without any support. He has a tiny limp, but he’s not letting that stop him.

After a bumpy three months, today (February 27th) my husband returned to work. It was a happy moment for both of us. He was going crazy without anything to do, and I knew work would get him back to his normal self. To see him get ready for his first day back was a huge blessing, and made me realize God does things we may not understand, but He does them for a reason. He gives you obstacles that may break you, but He knows you will get through them. I also learned that I have a seriously stubborn and hard-headed husband, who isn’t going to let anything stop him.

 

Always remember to tell someone how much you love them! It may be the last time you tell them.

Top 3 UK Bookstores I would Love to Visit

I love unique and different styled bookstores, especially ones with a large variety of books. Europe seems to have some really neat bookstores, so I thought I would share my top 3 with y’all today!

Word on the Water – York Way, Granary Square, London

  • This bookstore resides in a 100-year-old Dutch barge, it literally floats on the river!
  • They sell all sorts of books!
  • The store has a wood burning stove, and performances on their roof stage!

 

The Bookshop – Wigtown, Scotland

  • Largest second-hand bookshop in Scotland
  • Over a mile of shelving supporting about 100,000 books!
  • They also sell all sorts of subjects, people can also trade in books for the store to sell

 

 

Libreria Alta Acqua – Venice, Italy 

  • Uses bathtubs, gondolas, and various bucket type objects for its shelving
  • Home to many stray cats who avoid the high tide by sleeping on top of the stacks of books
  • The name translates to “Library High Water” because the fire escape leads straight out to the canal

 

 

I hope you find these bookstores as unique and interesting as I did. Let me know which bookstores you would love to see and visit!!

Stay tuned for the Top 3 US Bookstores I would love to visit!!

Bailey and the Upside Down Day

Today Bailey woke up, and hung her head off the side of her bed. When she did she noticed her room looked a lot more interesting, and a lot less boring. She realized being upside down gave everything a whole new perspective, and she needed a new look at life. Things just weren’t the same lately, and she needed a life refresher.

So Bailey went through her normal morning routine, she ate her breakfast, checked her emails, started her yoga, then paused when she did a handstand. She decided that today was going to be an upside down day. It was a good day to have a life refresher. Bailey left her tiny loft doing a handstand.

She went to her normal coffee stop, getting plenty of looks along the way. The looks she saw were too funny seeing them upside down, so they didn’t bother her! She just laughed and continued her handstand to her classes. Continuing to her first class, she noticed that the world had an interesting look when you looked at it from upside down. Everything made her heart happy and she smiled, which is just the thing she needed.

Bailey had just lost her job, got her first failing grade, and her car was in the shop. For weeks now, things just weren’t going her way lately, but when you take the world at a different angle, you get a new perspective. She new if she could conquer the world upside down she could conquer the small things. The world looked so much bigger when she was upside down, and her problems seemed so much smaller.

Bailey got home that night, and checked her emails, ate her dinner, and wrote about her day. She told herself, I will make it, I will survive, and woo do my arms hurt.

New Look

Sometimes we just need to take a new look at the world, because no matter what we are going through we can take things from a different perspective and realize our problems really aren’t that bad. We can conquer anything we set our mind to. Maybe we can all take the world and flip it. We could all use a life refresher sometimes!

 

My Fight

my fight

This quote is the very description of myself. I have days where I can be the absolute best people person, but I also have days where it is hard to get out of bed. 

Depression hit me hard five years ago when my mom was relocated due to her job. I stayed behind because I was college, and I had a good job. Seeing her leave with one of my sisters and my stepdad was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. So what did I do, I got an apartment with a roommate, and made the best of life. I pasted on a smile, and tried to make life worth it.

For the first year things weren’t so bad, school was great, I loved my job, and apartment life with my roommate wasn’t bad. Until things with my roommate got rocky. I ended up moving out, and moved in to the only place I could afford at the time. I moved in with my biological father, his wife, my two other sisters, and my grandmother. I stopped seeing my dad when I was a teenager, and I was OK with that. I would visit occasionally, but that was it. Things were good at first, I was going to school, I was working, and my dad and I were getting along. After a while though, things got bad, I didn’t even want to go home anymore. As things got worse so did my depression, and eventually anxiety roared its ugly voice.

My brain was in battle mode all day everyday. I had to make people happy even though  I wasn’t happy. I had to fight to get out of bed even though I hated being home. In my head I needed to escape my situation. So I did the stupidest thing I could have done, and entered a relationship I didn’t want to really be in. I stayed in that relationship so I could escape my father’s house. I wanted to escape the constant feeling of not being loved or wanted. The feeling that it’ll be better when I pay him the “rent” money he wants, or the feeling that he wouldn’t care if I was gone. So I moved out, and I of course still wasn’t happy. I was now living with a guy I didn’t really want to be with. It took me a while to realize I couldn’t keep living with him, so I moved back in with my dad.

Few months passed and things were good. I had a new boyfriend, and I was happy with life again. I wanted to get up, go out, have fun, and be the me I needed to be. Then things started to go down hill again. One day my dad and I got into a pretty big fight, and that was when I decided I was done. Something had to change or my family was going to be having a funeral.

In June of 2014 I packed up what little I had and moved three hours away from my home of 22 years. I decided to give my anxiety a roller coaster ride.

  • I had to change jobs… scary
  • I had to transfer schools… scary (also didn’t happen)
  • I also had to learn a whole new place… even scarier

(I wasn’t big on changes)

After a while my mind was like “no thank you,” I had put it through enough.

Fast forward to about a year ago when I had a doctor’s appointment that changed everything. I took my boyfriend, now husband with me. He knew I wouldn’t tell my doctor what was going on because I didn’t like to bother people with it. He didn’t have one problem telling her I wasn’t ‘me’ anymore. As he talked, I fidgeted, but hearing what he saw and that he was scared he was going to lose me, if I didn’t get help, was an eye opener for me. When he was done she asked me questions, and I finally answered them honestly. If my husband knew I wasn’t ‘me’ then it didn’t matter if no one else believed there wasn’t anything wrong.

Today I am doing great! I am on a med that helps out my chemical balance and keeps my depression and anxiety in check. I am happy, and I love being alive! Don’t get me wrong, I still have those days where staying under the covers sounds great, but those feelings don’t run my life. Life is so worth it! No matter how down I get, or how scary a change might be to me, I go out with a true smile and conquer my day. I can’t give up on this beautiful thing called life because I have too many people who would be lost without me. I win the fight against my own thoughts every morning my feet hit the floor, and I walk out the door.

If you’re ever feeling like life isn’t worth it, or that you just can’t handle things talk to someone. You have to talk! Do not keep everything bundled up, you’ll never when your fight. In fact if you need someone to talk to and you feel like you don’t have anyone shoot me an email, I’m always open to talk, even it’s about the color of grass, I will talk to you.

Always remember: YOU ARE BLESSED, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE LOVED
AND IF YOU’RE ON THIS PAGE YOU MUST BE A LITTLE NERDY! 

Suicide Hotline: Call 1-800-273-8255
                                 Available 24 hours a day!

Tour of my Brain!

So have you ever wanted to tour someone else’s brain. I don’t mean scientifically, but more on the intellectual side. I sometimes find my self thinking, I wonder how that person thinks, what makes them tick, or what makes them incredibly happy.

So I thought I would give you a look into my brain. 

To start with my thoughts are never simultaneous. I am always all over the place in my head, which happens to be the reason I never have the same journal. I have lots of journals, and none of them are ever full. I may start on a thought one minute, and then the next I’ll have 20 different thoughts going off at one time. I don’t like having a boring brain, I like to keep it busy. My thoughts are very rarely simple, they mostly go in to depth 95% of the time, and I love writing things down, helps me keep up with myself.  Oh and when I get really excited about a thought, I talk fast and I talk a lot. Even if it doesn’t interest you, you’re probably still going to hear about it.

The subject that mostly occupies space in my head is books, writing, or something new I want to start on. I love when I get into a book and a picture myself living the life portrayed in the story. Even as I’m in the middle of a book, I’m always looking for the next one to get my hands on. They just make me happy! My favorite books are one that have history in them. History was my favorite subject in school, and I always find myself gravitating towards the books set in an older time period.

Now there are a few things that make my brain tick! I’m not one for confrontation, so when I get mad about something, I will most likely hold it in. I hate when animals are mistreated. Especially since both of my babies were rescues. Why someone can just throw away something so loyal and loving I will never understand. I also can’t stand disrespect. That’s one of my biggest pet peeves. I was taught you always show respect no matter the situation. Also being misunderstood makes my brain tick. When someone doesn’t quite get me, but they will act like they do bugs me. I’m not an easy cookie to crack, but if you talk to me, and get to know me you’ll find out I’m really not that hard to understand. It just takes time.

So what does your brain look like? Is it simple or is it like the energizer bunny? Let me know in the comments!