A Letter to My Depression
I had a completely different post planned for today, but this has been on my heart for a while now. See, for the past week or so I haven’t been doing so great with my depression. Now, if you’ve been with me from the start, you have read the story of My Fight. So, you know being the girl I am, the girl with both anxiety and depression, I don’t want anyone to know because I don’t want to be a bother. So, I’ve been doing what I always do, and that’s hiding it. Well here’s a letter to my depression.
I really can’t stand you! You break me down, make me want to scream, and most of all you deteriorate my will to do anything. I can’t sleep, can hardly breathe, and all I want to do is break down and cry or just stay in bed. So, today I have something to tell you.
You can’t control my life. I do my best every day to keep you at bay and away from my functioning life, but you refuse to give up. Well, I am here to tell you that I am stronger than you! I haven’t gotten this far to give up this fight. Trust me, I will win! I’ve been doing this for years now, and depression, no matter how hard you try, you won’t take over me. You, make me want to lie to people and put on a brave face and tell everyone that I am OK. Well, I’m not because you suck! Yeah, I said it, depression you suck! You need to give up and go away, because frankly between you and anxiety I can’t take much more!
Both of you, are not supposed to define who I am. I am supposed to define who I am and you are both making it so difficult! Life is already tough enough right now, and I really don’t need the two of you ganging up on me! I’m quite tired of it, to be honest!
Take the high road
Now, I know I can’t just snap my fingers and tell you to hit the road because unfortunately, I know it doesn’t work that way. What I can do though, is fight harder to push you away. My life is mine and I only want to share it with one person, and it certainly isn’t you two! I even had to tell my husband I was doing good because he has enough on his plate to deal with. I hated not telling him the complete truth, but because I listened to you, I just told him I was feeling “meh” and moved on. That is not the relationship I want to have with him, so I would appreciate it if you two would shut the hell up!
What I can tell you is, that I hate you, I really do. You can’t control me anymore. So, I will fight harder to get you back to the place you need to be. I’ve done my best for months and now you can’t listen and that makes things worse. Well, what you don’t know is I am going to start changing my life up and adding things to my daily life to help combat these thoughts and feelings. I’ve been doing my research on how to deal with you because the medication alone isn’t working.
With that being said. See you later alligator, it’s been crappy! I’m tired of feeling crappy and things are about to change! I am working on a list of things to battle you with and I’m getting excited just thinking about this new fight!
The Girl Who Is Stronger than you are!